Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

The Journey Begins

Posted by ashleeekaren on August 28, 2010

It’s Friday night and I’m at home. There is no sex in my city tonight. Although I tend to think that’s ok. Mostly sex just gets me in trouble – wanting sex, chasing sex, having sex. So perhaps I should take sex out if my equation completely and see where that lands me. A social experiment if you will.

Now if you know me at all (which you probably don’t and if you haven’t guessed my name isn’t really Ashleee Karen, or Ashleee or Karen, or even a variation of either. My initials aren’t even the same. If my mom found out I was writing about sex and/or the lack of it, she would be mortified), then you would know that I tend to make grand statements.

I guess I want to know if you stop wanting relationships and/or sex – does that really fix anything? Or does it just make you bitter and undateable when you finally do decide to dive into the relationship pool?

I’ve been out of a relationship for almost 2 years now. The last guy I dated, we’ll call him T—-, was a bad alcoholic who had trouble finding and keeping a job. But Jesus, I really was madly in love with the guy. The sex was insane – chemistry was always really hot and on top of that, I was naive enough to believe that people could change. He didn’t want to change – he just wanted to pretend he changed cuz he wanted to be with me – and admission he finally made after the relationship was over. But really, it wasn’t his fault – he was who he was.

Since that relationship my career has taken off and I’m definitely enjoying finding out who I am and what I really want out of life. Now 31 years old, I find myself in the position that I’m sure millions of women find themselves in – What next?

So this brings me back to sex – since the breakup I have pursued that type of raw sexual chemistry I found with T—-, hoping it would eventually turn into the type of intimacy I used to crave being someone’s girlfriend. I know many people say it’s supposed to happen the other way around or and that it’s much healthier that way but hey…who hell knows anymore? The last guy I had sex with a couple weeks ago, we’ll call him Dave, I truly liked and wanted to get to know better, but my pursuit of that sexual chemistry/intimacy clouded my judgment a little and i moved too fast for him. Now we are just friends. Which might be a good thing.

There are no men in rotation right now and I feel like I can breathe. And although I miss the intimacy, I think it’s better this way.

So if anyone is reading, stay tuned for the adventures of a single 31 year old who is on the verge of being bitter but still has some last remaining shreds of romanticism left in her heart. It’s usually pretty interesting in my neck of the woods.


2 Responses to “The Journey Begins”

  1. Gwen said

    No one’s commented on your very first post? For shame.

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