Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Mattresses, Late Night Calls and a near Slip Up.

Posted by ashleeekaren on September 13, 2010


My back has been killing me and I finally decided to get a new mattress. There are tons of mattress stores near my house and I went to a Sit n Sleep because the annoying commercial voice has been ringing in my ear. They also advertised a sleep diagnostic machine which would spit out recommendations for what types of bed you should buy. You’re supposed to lie in the sleep diagnostic bed for a couple minutes and then the computer will magically guide you.

Before lying down in fancy machine, the gigantic touch screen computer asks you some preliminary questions: what side of the bed do you like to sleep on, age, height, and whether you have a sleep partner.

As I looked at the computer screen and glanced at the sales guy next to me, I guffawed and said, “Really? Why is this thing trying to make me feel bad??” The sales guy laughed and responded, “Well if you have a sleep partner, you should probably be shopping with him or her.’ I then put on the funny Ashleee Karen face to hide my tender insides, and the vulnerability I was feeling having to admit to a stupid machine and to the Sit n Sleep sales guy, that i was in fact, SINGLE.

Flash forward to Friday night – I’m sitting at home and Dave calls. Dave has been calling me EVERYDAY for the past month. No use in complaining if I answer the phone, I suppose. I still have a place in my heart for the guy, even if I know he’s not right for me and I know he doesn’t think I’m right for him. I didn’t realize it until I almost slipped up this weekend. He has been dropping hints like crazy for us to hook up but for the past month i have ignored them, brushed them off, and made funny jokes about them. But last night I nearly gave in…

We were having a pretty hot make out session until I decided to kill the mood and try to tell the guy why it was so awkward and wrong for us to be hooking up. The bottom line is that I haven’t been honest with myself and i think I’ve been hoping that all this attention that he’s been paying me, mixed with the sexual chemistry between us, would turn into something more. I’m disappointed it’s not. He’s adamant about us being friends. I told him I needed my space – i can’t be talking to a guy every single day, several times a day, and not get attached. I’m just not wired that way.

If you’re sensing a somber tone in this post, it’s because I’m really disappointed. I hung up the phone with Dave earlier today but not without telling him how I felt. The honesty was refreshing, but i was thoroughly disappointed that it didn’t make him want to shout, “I love you! I’ve just been denying it all this time!!! Let’s be together forever!” But since this isn’t a cheesy romantic comedy, and more like an existentialist drama, he said nothing of the sort and kindly said, “I understand you need space and I’ll give you that. I’ll be here whenever you’re ready. Nothing you’re saying is unreasonable and you have every right to take the time you need. i hope I hear from you soon.”

I would’ve felt better if he had called me a crazy bitch and hung up the phone…

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3 Responses to “Mattresses, Late Night Calls and a near Slip Up.”

  1. vasafaxa said

    From experience I can say that being called a crazy bitch would not have been any better.

  2. […] Day 48/365 – Ashleee Kar…Lily on Day 48/365 – Ashleee Kar…ashleeekaren on Mattresses, Late Night Calls a…ashleeekaren on Day 48/365 – Ashleee Kar…Lily on Why you should ALWAYS ask if […]

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