Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Why are you on Match.com? You should be on IMALIAR.COM!!!

Posted by ashleeekaren on October 8, 2010


Ok, I fully understand that I might end up looking like a bit of a stalker and a koo koo, but I don’t care.  I just saw Martin’s profile on Match.com.

My friend Sharon is on Match right now and she hung out with Martin the other night.  The two of them are friends, and I’m completely fine with that.  Last night I’m over at her house and she tells me Martin is on Match and I should check out his profile. Of course I say YES and we take a look at it.

His pics are nice – they look like him.  His screen name is something awful…I’m scrolling, I’m scrolling and… (all identifying info has been erased)

LIE #1

Ok, ok…it’s possible he’s changed his mind about wanting to have children, and yes, he’s allowed to do that….BUT, moving on…

LIE #2

 

Athletic and Toned???  PLEASE!  He’s not a fatty at all – he probably carries a little bit of extra weight but he’s not fat. But he IS very big boy.  6’4″ as you can see (at least that’s not a lie).  He may have athletic ability, but that’s not what Match is asking you when they are asking about your body type.  To me, athletic and toned is:

Ok, I’m not saying that’s the only way someone could be described as athletic and toned, but you catch my drift.  Ryan Reynolds is chiseled, muscles are defined, etc.  I actually care less about a body than I do a face, but if you’re gonna say you’re athletic and toned, then I expect something like the above, or at least in that hemisphere.  Martin is NOT in that hemisphere.  He has muscles, but he doesn’t have any definition and he’s not toned.  Toned. 

LIE #3

This fool DOES NOT have a bachelors degree!!! In fact, that’s the main reason my mom didn’t like him for me.  I know for a FACT that he hasn’t gone back to school since we’ve broken up.  So why in the hell is he putting that on there?  Match offers the option of putting “some college” which would have been the accurate thing to put down.  He told Sharon he is looking for a wife – he’d really like to settle down and have kids.  Do you think telling someone that you have a bachelors degree, or at least letting them think that, is a good way to start out a potential long term relationship?!

So this begs the question – why do I care?  I don’t know. It just bothers me.  Maybe because if he were actually ALL of those things he put in his profile, I might want to be with him.  He just got laid off and is collecting unemployment.  He told me the other day that he could have a job but it would only be part time and he would make just as much money on unemployment – so why work?  WRONG ANSWER.  Is he working on some grand novel?  NO.  Does he have any physical disabilities??  NO.  Is he taking time out to travel? NO.  Spend time with his sick relative? NO. 

For me, there is only one reason for an able bodied 35 year old man with job opportunities to be on unemployment – LAZINESS.

Anyway, I had a good incredulous laugh last night when I saw his profile and Sharon agreed with me that it was a bit ridiculous.  I mean, Martin doesn’t have a mean bone in his body – but what’s with all the lies??

Thoughts?

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16 Responses to “Why are you on Match.com? You should be on IMALIAR.COM!!!”

  1. dreamidreamed said

    Um, I didn’t read anything past the photo of Ryan Reynolds. **drools**

  2. DAMN, who knew Ryan Reynolds looked so good? Yum-my! Anyway, ditto, I’ve never done the online dating thing because all I’ve heard about it are stories like this one: full of lies!

    -L

  3. Yes Ryan Reynolds certainly edible.

    I feel sorry for whatever chick answers that ad – she’s gonna expect an educated executive with a hot body and she’s gonna get…him.

    That’s mean I know. He’s a perfectly nice guy but lately when I’ve been around him I almost… Despise him.

  4. Neo said

    I’ve read this article that said the most lied about things on profiles for men are height and income. On average guys add about two inches of height, and like 15k of income. I’ve found it to best to be totally honest online, otherwise it’s a bait and switch when you meet.

  5. Lee said

    why are you writing long posts about someone you despise?… better yet, why are you not getting fucked? everything about this seems wrong

    • Lee :

      why are you writing long posts about someone you despise?… better yet, why are you not getting fucked? everything about this seems wrong

      Hahaha, good point! I don’t always despise him, I think just lately he’s been on my nerves…and then seeing that profile just sent me over the edge.

      As for not having sex…I’m just trying to clear my head a little and stop distracting myself with men I know I don’t want to be with or who aren’t worth my time.

      Plus either Alpha Rivelino or Neo told me that if I have too many cocks inside me I will become bitter and lose my innocence, femininity and become a cougar. Trying to avoid that…

      I’m assuming you think I should be having sex?

      • Lee said

        i don’t care if your vowing celibacey or not… wait, send me a picture then I’ll decide.
        Heres what i think, 1) your doing this celibacey blog thing for attention (i have the perfect cock for you, it knows how to keep a secret)
        2) your still hung up on your ex.
        🙂

      • Lee said

        for the record i didnt use that gay yellow smiley

      • Gay yellow smileys are allowed on my blog, no worries.

        1) Attention? Maybe…it was more cuz I like writing and I thought maybe I could connect with similar people with the comfort of anonymity.

        2) Still hung up? Maybe…probably…I don’t want to be with him anymore, but I’m still slightly hung up on what happened between us. That’s for an upcoming post.

        You know a secret keeping cock?? Inneresting. And no pic – my anonymity is priceless. Here’s a gay yellow smiley for you – 🙂

  6. Neo :

    I’ve read this article that said the most lied about things on profiles for men are height and income. On average guys add about two inches of height, and like 15k of income. I’ve found it to best to be totally honest online, otherwise it’s a bait and switch when you meet.

    I agree that being honest is best in any situation, online dating or otherwise – it’s just a waste of time for everyone.

  7. I have a useless degree at the moment. At least it hasn’t gotten me a job in the 5 months I’ve been out of college.

  8. Lily said

    ashleee, need your help over at Rivelino’s, with a match.com thing, my boy’s on his way home so I have to log off soon, but if I don’t see your comments tonight, look forward to seeing them in the morning. x

  9. Rivelino said

    Lily, you are so nice. Someone should marry you already.

    Ashlee, how many cocks have you had inside you. This includes all three orifices, btw. It is called your SSN, your Sexually Submissive Number. All three orifices count the same. If your number is above 10, that is not good.

    For you, I am thinking the over/under is 25.

  10. […] 11, 2010 by Rivelino I just invented this concept a few minutes ago over here. But the idea is that the more cocks that a girl has had inside her, the greater her anxiety over […]

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