Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Day 76/365 – The Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010-11

Posted by ashleeekaren on November 11, 2010


Day 76!  I have to admit last week I thought there was a chance that today I would have to re-set the counter to Day 0.  S had texted me last week, wanting to hook up today.  I said yes, but I knew he’d flake.  And guess what? He did!  But you know what, that’s ok.  The more time that passes by, and the more feedback I’ve been getting on this blog, the better I feel about actually achieving this goal.

What’s nice is that I”ve found some other blogs (see links on the right) that have similar goals to mine. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone.

I think it’s time to take stock of a couple  things I’ve learned so far:

1.  Although we are creatures driven by biological need to have sex and reproduce, we can control it.

2.  But at the same time, there is no shame in enjoying sex or admitting that you enjoy it.  Sex is SUPPOSED to be enjoyable. If it wasn’t so enjoyable, the human race would’ve died out a long time ago.

3.  Sounds elementary but people are both attracted to and threatened by blatant sexuality.  Sometimes separately.  Sometimes at the same time. Sometimes they don’t even know it.

There are more of course, but these are just the ones I’ve been mulling over lately.

As part of the Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010-11, I have picked up 2 books:

1.  Marry Him, by Lori Gottilieb

2.  The Secret Lives of Men, by Christopher Blazina

Rivelino has been telling me to pick up the first book for some time now, and I ran across the second book at the library (yes – I still go to the library.  There’s something about checking out books that I love.  I’ve loved the library since I was a little girl…)  I’m thinking about doing a chapter by chapter post about both of those books but the second one is super long!

Thoughts?

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14 Responses to “Day 76/365 – The Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010-11”

  1. Gwen said

    I couldn’t agree more on the items you’ve listed that you’ve learned so far. In my experience women are far better at controlling themselves sexually than men are, so I have no doubt you’ll complete your goal if you want to.

    The library is the bomb. I’m there nearly every week. And I just put The Secret Lives of Men on request. I think I need that sucker!

    • That book is written by a dude with a PhD. I haven’t started it yet. I think I want to read it before Marry Him (especially since Secret Lives is due back in the library in 2 weeks).

      I don’t know who is better at controlling themselves sexually, men or women…When I’ve been in an LTR, I’m the one who wants to have sex more than they do. Not sure if that’s my sex drive, or a need to validate the relationship…

      • Gwen said

        Ah, yes, in LTRs I am generally on-par with how much he wants sex, possibly even I want it more. That wasn’t the case in my 20s and it’s one reasons my 30s have been so good, sexually.

        My experience with men in relationships is that they still chase tail and will take it if it’s offered with no thought to their current girl friend.

        Yup, I’m bitchy-much today.

      • Ugh, I’m sorry. I’ve been there before too. It suuucks!

      • Doug1 said

        Girls shouldn’t worry so much about a guy cheating if he does it in a just sex or almost just sex sort of way and doesn’t pay notably less emotional and sexual attention to his LTR at the same time. Guys and girls are very different re: sex flings when in LTRs. They’re usually not just sex flings for girls for one thing, whatever they say to themselves initially.

        See this comment I made today at Roissy’s:

        http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/11/17/why-women-get-cheated-on/#comment-221222

      • I agree with you Doug. Although it’s unpleasant to be cheated on, as well as to cheat (I’ve actually been on both sides of that coin) men and women cheat for very different reasons and I’ve learned that over the years.

    • OH, and this library by my house is brand new and soooo pretty! It reminds me of the library I studied in during law school – very state of the art and cozy. I love the children’s section too! It’s always my favorite part of the library, probably because I had such fond memories of learning to love reading at the library…. I should blog about my love of the library….

      • dreamidreamed said

        I love libraries!! I wish more people would pick up a book and read (and not just wait for the movie to come out). I will probably start using our library more once I make a dent in this ginormous pile of books I have on my nightstand.

        P.S. I totally agree with #3. Sometimes people are fascinated by sexuality, but are judgmental at the same time. To which the little voice in my head (well, one of them) says, “It’s not my fault you can’t get any!”. Pua ha ha!

      • Those voices in your head are very wise.

        I decided there are only a few books I will actually buy since I’m running out of space to store them. That’s why I’m back in the library. The iPad is pretty awesome too because I can buy a zillion books and it won’t take up anymore room in my cozy little house.

  2. Ford Inbody said

    I like the idea that men have secret lives. Now I feel like a superhero where my normal day alter ego is waiting for the right moment to strike! But of course in reality, there is no secret life to me. I’m just me all the time. Oh well.

    Good luck with the rest of your project! It sounds like you are doing better and better all the time!

    And libraries rock.

    • Libraries are amazing (see my above comment reply)

      We all have secret lives, no? I finally let a few of my closest friends read this blog and they were like, “Oh my gosh you have a secret life!!”

      And yes, the physical aspect is getting easier to deal with, so I feel like I’m doing better. Thanks for the well wishes!

      And being you is the best kind of superhero, no?

  3. What’s “Marry Him” about??

    So you’re actually consciously imposing the celibacy policy on yourself? I like this idea and I applaud you.

    My case is different. Life has apparently imposed a “dry spell” on me. I’m trying to learn from it.

    • Vodka, I feel honored you’ve commented on my blog. Really and truly. You rock my world.

      Ok, enough ass kissing. Here’s a blurb I found about “Marry Him”

      Gottlieb, 37, made the decision to become a single parent after years of searching for Mr. Right. Four years later, when she still hadn’t found him, she decided to take a good look at her dating habits—and the dating habits of women around her—to see if the problem is not a dearth of good men but rather women’s expectations of them. Gottlieb finds that women want it all—and often aren’t willing to compromise on their list of traits their ideal mate must have. In their twenties, many women leave good relationships based on an elusive feeling that they could find something more with someone else, and they regret it down the road when their choices dwindle. It’s not that women aren’t willing to settle; it’s that many refuse to recognize that their vision of the perfect man doesn’t match reality

      And yes, the decision to remain celibate is self imposed, mostly as a learning experience. Unfortunately I found out that someone ripped off my idea before I even had it. They got a book deal – I get called a retard.

  4. […] Ashleee Karen – “Do I Have a Thing for Irish Guys??“, “Why I’m Doing This“, “Day 76/365 – The Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010-11” […]

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