Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

The Logistics of a Grand Theft Lunch

Posted by ashleeekaren on November 28, 2010


So I had my lunch date with Grand Theft on Weds and didn’t immediately post as the Thanksgiving holiday and eating large amounts of turkey took up most of my weekend.

I’m glad I didn’t post immediately, although sometimes the thoughts that are coming right out of your head are the best ones to write down.  I wanted to let the date simmer a bit, and think about all of the things I’ve been learning in this blogosphere and in the past year.

Some have commented that he is a PUA, but a “natural”.  That’s a definite possibility given his career and background.  (He’s a musician who has toured the world, worked with big names, and is talented in his own right.  I won’t tell you what kind of music he plays, nor who the big names are, nor what movies or projects he’s worked on.  But with all that under his belt, I’m SURE he has been getting all sorts of tail without having to try very hard.)  I try to keep an open mind when I read blogs and when people comment on my blog.  On top of that, I’m highly analytical but would be lying if I said my emotions (or rationalization hamster) can sometimes talk my way into and out of, nearly anything.

The Logistics:

  • It was a weekday.  Middle of the day, lunch, and he chose a neutral spot – an upscale neighborhood.  I don’t live close and neither does he.
  • Leading up to the date there have been no overtly sexual texting.  A little flirting, but most of it G rated.  He has a nickname for me, but it’s not R rated.
  • The restaurant he took me to was owned by a friend of his.  His friend was there and he introduced me.  They served beer and wine.  He didn’t ask if I wanted either. We both drank water.
  • The conversation never turned to sex or people we used to date or have sex with, etc, etc.
  • He paid and would not let me even go in for myself.

So there are the bullet points.  Here’s a little more detail:

I showed up about 20 minutes late. It was nightmare with all the traffic and parking, but he was totally cordial and nice about it. I was profusely apologetic but he wouldn’t even let me worry about it.  I was dressed cute – sexy with a sophisticated edge, so not slutty -black tights, grey suede cuffed boots, loose black top, no cleavage, and a black sweater.  Makeup was light – just mascara, lip gloss and a little blush.  He wore dark jeans, black t-shirt, newsboy cap and red converse.  I love red converse.

The conversation flowed for the most part.  I gotta admit, I was nervous as hell.  I don’t know what was wrong with me. I am usually pretty affable, conversational and easy to get along with. I am inquisitive but not intrusive, and I try to smile and laugh at all of your jokes.    But I was NERVOUS.  He set me at ease, asked me a lot of questions about myself and I returned the gesture.  If he was nervous, I couldn’t tell.

As I sat talking to him, I suddenly noticed he had blue eyes.  I mean, somewhere in my consciousness I think I knew he had blue eyes…but for some reason, as he talked, they struck me.  Hmm… I was becoming more and more attracted to him, even though the conversation was not overtly sexual…  I was trying to get to know him as a person, and not “Grand Theft-the musician”.

The bill came and I went to my purse. If a guy is the one asking me out, I prefer if he pays, but I always offer to at least pay for myself.  It’s only polite, and I don’t want the guy to think I’m out for a free lunch.  He wouldn’t let me pay so I said, “Ok, next one is on me.”  I smiled warmly at him and then said, “You like McDonalds?”  He laughed and said, “Yeah can I get the McChicken Grilled Sandwich?”  I didn’t miss a beat and replied, “Well…let’s not get crazy – only if it’s on the Extra Value Menu.”  We both laughed.

There was a slight lull in the conversation.  Then:

AK: You know, you have a lot of balls asking me out.

GT: (Smiling cautiously) Oh yeah? Why is that?

AK: Well, just the situation…  You being you, and me being me.  (That’s a paraphrase to protect private details -sorry)

GT: Ok…

AK: (Realizing how arrogant that came across)  No, no, I mean that in a good way.  Just put it this way – there have been a lot of guys who X (more editing) and I always say no.  You’re the first one I’ve said yes to.

(I’m watching him as he finally breaks out into a smile, turns his head to the side,  looks pleased with himself, then turns back to me)

GT: Well…I gotta keep it gangster.

I was also watching for PUA signs.  No negs, no kino – he didn’t even put his hand on the small of my back as he led me through the door (one move I’m a SUCKER for).  Although, I do have to disclose there was plenty of that at the party a couple weeks ago.  He walked me to my car like a perfect gentleman.  Didn’t try to hold my hand or put his arm around my shoulder (although that would’ve been hard as I was wearing boots with 3 inch heels, making me almost 6 ft).  NOTHING.

He gave me a kiss on the lips and a hug and said the dreaded, “We should do this again soon.” I stopped and looked at him and said, “Yeah?”  He said, “Yes absolutely.”  But he didn’t lock it down.

I texted him the next day to thank him again for lunch and let him know I had a nice time.  He texted back a cute reply and I haven’t texted him since. It’s been 3 days and I don’t know why I just don’t text him.  Maybe I’m not sure if he likes me and I want to see how he responds.  Maybe he’s not interested…

Or… maybe I’m just an idiot and I don’t know how to deal with a guy who is actually nice.  In the past 2 years I’ve been single and going out on dates, this is probably the nicest date I’ve been on.  Not because he took me to an upscale restaurant.  Not because he’s a musician, and not because he paid.  But because for the first time in the past 2 years, I feel like someone is genuinely interested in me as a person.  That was an adult date.  No one was trying to get in anyone’s head (at least I don’t think so), or in anyone’s pants.  He didn’t look at me with what I call “pervert eyes”, but actual sincere interest.

And even though he didn’t look at me with pervert eyes, I was imagining having sex with him. If I can imagine having sex with a guy, then I know I like him.  I hope I didn’t look at HIM with pervert eyes…  Anyway, I imagined us having sex in my bedroom – I imagine him to be a slow kisser at first, attentive, sweet, but after awhile, rough and sloppy in the sexiest way possible…  I imagined waking up in the morning to him sliding his hands across my back and stomach, and pulling me in closer to him…

I almost hope GT doesn’t text…I can already see I’ll be in trouble…

Thoughts on his logistics?  Do we have an Alpha? A Beta? Or is it too soon to tell…?  Should I text him back?  And should he be a candidate for aiding me in ending my project…?

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26 Responses to “The Logistics of a Grand Theft Lunch”

  1. Ford Inbody said

    He sounds like a nice guy and he’s definitely an alpha.

    In terms of ending your project, well, that just depends on what you really want. No advice can really be given on that subject. Though if it was me I would only consider ending the project if it was someone that I could see a long future with and not just a couple weeks of fun.

    Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

    • Well he’s gotta work a little harder to get me to end my project early. Taking me out to lunch is not gonna clinch it for me, although I will admit that it will take a lot of will power on my part to resist him…

  2. ASF said

    Have you ever considered that he is aware of how you feel and knows the effect he has on you? In that case, why would he need to do all of the typical things PUAs do to build attraction. He already has it. All he needs to do is to be cool and not screw it up. When not dealing with immature women, there’s a lot to be said for simply being a decent person without being overly nice.

  3. Rivelino said

    “He didn’t look at me with what I call ‘pervert eyes’, but actual sincere interest.”

    Pervert eyes. Love it.

  4. Rivelino said

    ASF is right. GT sounds like a musician who gets a lot of pussy. He knows you want to fuck him. He is way past attraction, halfway through seduction, halfway down your pants.

  5. Gwen said

    It seems to me he’s definitely some kind of alpha; to what extent I’m not sure. I definitely would NOT text him back. The ball’s in his court to put up (ask for a nighttime date) or shut up (fade away). Does he know of your celibacy project?

  6. Lily said

    Do *not* text him.

  7. Rivelino said

    “Do not text him”

    “He is dangerous”

    “He is halfway down your pants already”

    We are all pushing her to her doom

    • Doom? Please elaborate.

      • Lily said

        Delete his number now. That way you won’t get tempted. If he texts again, you are NOT to text him back till you get input. It is not him I am worried about but you.

      • I won’t text him anymore promise! I don’t like deleting numbers in case I need it (there are some business angles involved) but I promise promise promise, I won’t text again until I, 1) Hear back and, 2) I get input from all of you.

        Now…what if he calls? Am I allowed to answer? Or should I let it go to voicemail until I get input…?

      • Lily said

        You are not to go to extremes and be all Rulesy (only American women would come up with that) but You need to Sort Yourself out. You don’t want to look desperate. (I know you’re not)

        a money quote
        “”when a woman chases you, it will turn you off. I remember when the sorority girls would come over to the fraternities. In a way, I felt like the cows were coming to graze on our turf. It was too easy””

        I know you really like him but he doesn’t know that youre treating him differently than most guys you meet. And no point telling him that, men react to actions not words.

      • Well, I don’t know about “really” liking him, but I would like to get to know him better, that’s for sure. And me imagining having sex with him just helps to confirm I don’t think of him in a friendly way. I know I’m not into a guy if I can’t imagine having sex with him. I’m gonna have to get to know and trust him first.

      • Lily said

        “I don’t like deleting numbers in case I need it (there are some business angles involved)”
        Write his number on a piece of paper and give it to a colleague. Or you know look him up in the book one day if you really needed him (don’t they have linkedin in LA lol?)

        “Now…what if he calls? Am I allowed to answer? Or should I let it go to voicemail until I get input…?”
        Answer, but keep it light and keep it short.

      • Yes, we have linkedin here, but I don’t he is on it…

        I’m not gonna text him again. Now that I have already texted, as far as I’m concerned, I’ve let him know definitively that I’m interested. If he doesn’t text or call again, I’ll be slightly bummed for about a week and then I’ll get over it.

        And does it appear that I’m pursuing him? I think it’s more like encouragement – after all, he DID text on Thurs but I didn’t text him until yesterday… I wouldn’t call that pursuing.

        But I could be wrong – maybe it is??

      • Lily said

        “And does it appear that I’m pursuing him? I think it’s more like encouragement – after all, he DID text on Thurs but I didn’t text him until yesterday… I wouldn’t call that pursuing.”
        I read it wrong initially thought you had texted him twice since his last text. Sorry. But in any case you texted him and he texted you back in reply so no need to text him again. Especally daiys later. If he wants to see you he can get in touch with a plan. I think it’s better you err on the side of caution because I get the impression that you could get carried way.

      • Your impression would be spot on.

        The goal is to think with my head and not my heart/hormones (cuz aren’t they really the same thing??)

  8. Rivelino said

    This is the exact same kind of distraction I was having with Mia and BG. Amusing ourselves to death.

    My goal should be to have a career I am proud of. That needs to come before anything else.

    Your goal should be to find a husband. That needs to come first.

    This guy, did you tell us how old he is?

    It is clear that you want to have sex with him. I am sure he wants to have sex with you too.

    But is he husband material? He is a musician, correct?

    You should read Marry Him and then report back.

    Distractions are harmless in the short term. In the long term, they are deadly.

    • Your goal should be to find a husband. That needs to come first.

      Reading that gave me pause. I need to figure out why.

      He’s 35.

      Of course I want to have sex with him – but I don’t want it to just be sex. I am looking for something meaningful… Gotta keep that SSN number down, yes? I won’t sleep with him until he convinces me that he is worth giving it up to. I don’t want to be some chick he files away in the back of his mind like a bunch of the video hoes that have probably thrown themselves at him.

      But is he husband material? He is a musician, correct?

      On paper so far, probably not husband material. But then again, I don’t know him well enough to say yes or no – I think I have to get to know him better before I can fully answer that question. He is a musician, yes. And that probably disqualifies him in many people’s minds, but not so sure it does in my mind…not yet.

      I am sure he wants to have sex with you too.

      Well I think that he is definitely attracted to me…at least physically… And him wanting to have sex with me doesn’t mean much – most guys will bang anything that moves. You know what he said to me at the party a couple weeks back?

      GT: When I was touring with X, I used to hook up with all kinds of chicks…
      AK: Uhhh, if you’re trying to impress me, that’s not gonna do it…
      GT: No, no, what I’m trying to tell you was I think I did that because I was insecure…I think I was trying to prove something to myself…
      AK: Oh yeah? And what’s that?
      GT: That I could bang as many chicks as possible and not give a shit…and that would prove I was a badass.
      AK: And did you? Give a shit?
      GT: Not one bit.
      AK: (Laughing) What the hell is wrong with you – why are you telling me that? You just lost some major points.
      GT: I’ll get them back. You watch.

      He laughed, and slid his hand over mine…

      Distractions are harmless in the short term. In the long term, they are deadly.

      If that lunch date was the only thing that ever happens between us, then yes, it is a harmless distraction. I tend to get over these things rather quickly – especially since it was just lunch. If more had happened between us (like Dave) then I would probably take a bit longer to get over it.

    • I’m starting “Marry Him” tonight. Gotta post soon about Martin – possible husband material, ex-boyfriend – he just dropped the bomb on me… Will post about that later.

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