Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

And it counts!!!

Posted by ashleeekaren on December 20, 2010


Yep!  More than just the tip this time.

GT and I hung out this weekend. He invited me up to a party in a fancy schmancy area. I reluctantly said yes and was getting ready to drive up to meet him. He called me up and said he would come see me instead so I wouldn’t have to drive in the rain…

A few of my friends were over and he was polite and personable. We were going to head out to a bar but it was raining so hard we decided to stay in.  My friends left and it was just the 2 of us.

We stayed up until 4 in the morning talking. A few kisses here and there but for the most part we behaved.   He opened up quite a bit and I felt like we were really starting to get to know each other… He did try to impress me by name dropping quite a bit and showing off by calling a famous musician on the phone (who picked up) while we were watching his music video…  I don’t know if I was reacting the way he expected me too, but I could tell he was trying very hard. Here are some interesting tidbits from our conversation:

He made a point of talking to me about other chicks that he had dated in the past.  It got to the point where I was like, “Why are you telling me this?”  And then he was like, “Well I just want you to know I’m not like that anymore…I don’t want to just bang a bunch of chicks….What kind of dudes hit on you?  I bet you get hit on all the time”  Uhhh, no, not playing that game…. I didn’t answer and artfully changed the subject.  The way I interpreted it was that he was trying to show his value.  It came off as insecure though…

He told me he’s been breaking a lot of his own rules to hang out with me.  Like staying home on a Friday night, crashing an estrogen party (since a couple of my friends were over), driving with a broken tail light…

And here’s the BEST part…

While lying in bed (no sex yet):

GT: Wouldn’t that be funny if I got you pregnant?

AK: Uhhh, depends what your definition of funny is… (nervous laughing)

GT: No really, I bet your parents would freak out if you brought me home…

AK: (laughing…and glad the lights were out cuz I’m sure my face had this “WTF” look on it)

Silence

GT: What do you think our kids would look like?

AK: I don’t know if the world needs anymore Ashleees runinng around…

GT: I bet they would have your skin and my eyes…

AK: (Nervous laugher)  Maybe…

GT: Do you want kids?

AK: I think so, yes… not anytime soon, but I think I probably do…

GT: Well I’m glad I have my daughter already, cuz she’s amazing, but I probably would have kids again with the right person and the right situation.

We fell asleep talking and in the morning he woke me up and we had some sloppy morning sex.  It was good 🙂  Then we went back to sleep. He left later in the morning.

Thoughts?  Questions? So what now?

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28 Responses to “And it counts!!!”

  1. paultheking said

    Wow.. he talked a lot. You had quite the effect on him.

    great post!

  2. The pregnancy dialogue was a strategy to hook you emotionally, which apparently worked.

    I thought this *wasn’t* supposed to be a just another dating blog.

  3. ASF said

    Ashlee,

    What effect, if any, does the fact that he has a daughter have on you?

    • I don’t mind that he has a daughter. I have been watching for signs that he takes care of her, is supportive and active in her life. I actually prefer that he gets along with her mother as well. So far, from what I have gathered, he is all of the above. I cant date a man with a child if he isn’t an active part of his/her life.

      • ASF said

        Very interesting. Your comment really shows the difference in perspective that men and women can have in this area(obviously your view is not representative of all women). As you well know, for most guys woman + child = bang and forget (or don’t get involved at all).

      • Would I prefer a guy who doesn’t have kids? Sure, I think it’s just easier, but I realize I am at the age (31, will be 32 in 6 months – yikes), where I cannot afford to be picky about stuff like that. I tend to date guys who are older than me, usually by about 5-10 years. Many men in that age range have had children and/or have been married and divorced with children. If I start eliminating these men from the potential pool of candidates for LTR/Life Partner, then I will probably be missing out on a lot of guys who could be high quality and good matches. That said, they must show me they are good fathers, otherwise I won’t be interested – my own biological father was not very involved so it’s a sticking point for me. A real man takes care of his children, no matter what.

        GT is the 2nd guy I have spent time with that has a child. The previous guy was also very active in his son’s life and got along with his mother as well.

        And it makes sense that most men do not want to deal with a woman who has children – it means that there will always be another man around (assuming the father of her children stays active), and most men want to be the only guy.

  4. Racer X said

    You are such a naughty girl, Ashleee. Sloppy morning sex? Haha. You need a firm spanking for breaking your celibacy project.

    “And it makes sense that most men do not want to deal with a woman who has children – it means that there will always be another man around (assuming the father of her children stays active), and most men want to be the only guy.”

    Very true. Most men have a visceral reaction to another man’s children. Think of it, why would a man want to invest his resources in raising another man’s child? Not many would.

  5. Charliej said

    As far as men not wanting to raise other men’s children – I think it depends on the age range you’re talking about. Once men get divorced or have children of their own, they are more open about getting into relationships with women with children. It happens all the time!!

    But ashleee – if a guy talked to me like that in the beginning stages of a relationship, I’d be the type to run the other way. It’s kind of creepy.

    “GT: Wouldn’t that be funny if I got you pregnant?”

    I’d be like – uh, fuck no! it wouldnt be funny!! and then wonder if he pierced holes in the condom! (unless you didn’t use one …. again!!!)

    • Well it’s moot now cuz GT hasn’t bothered to call…kinda hard to get me pregnant and meet my parents if you haven’t called me…typical…

      • Charliej said

        racerx may be right – start again!! it took me 3 times to finally get into the swing of things – of course, my first two tries were like 8 days and 12 days….not 4 months – but i think you lost sight of what you were doing! isn’t being celibate about taking control of your life and not letting men push and pull at your emotions? which is what GT ended up doing. Take back the control.
        “i am woman, hear me roar” and all that jazz. 🙂

      • I may try it again…! And even though I broke the celibacy, it’s not like I’m gonna go out there and bang everything in sight…

      • Gwen said

        I think it may be time to start again, too.

        I just finished “Why Men Love Bitches” and saw myself a whole lot in the “nice girl” category. Nope. I won’t be her again. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. Check it out if you get the chance.

      • I need to check that out. Still muddling through “Marry Him” I have about 10 books sitting on my nightstand waiting to be started.

      • Mandy! XD said

        Yeah, my friend told me that I’m inadvertently a little bitchy to every guy and always have been (I’m not going to answer my phone every time someone calls it’s not like it’s glued to my ear), and REALLY bitchy to the guys who are entitled and think they will “win” me (like stupid football players) so just for those reasons I have guys pursuing me a lot. She told me to read that same book to understand what she was saying.

        It’s just my personality but it really works. It’s part of push/pull. Be there, then don’t be there. Be there, then don’t be there. But don’t look schizo.

        Ashleee, I should teach you how to be a little bitchcat. =^.^= I am the master of being a cat.

      • Hmmm, I’ve thought about that whole push/pull thing. Sometimes, I am just busy, and it’s not intentional… I guess because I actually like the guy I’m trying to show him I’m reliable/available by picking up the phone when he calls. There have been some times when I haven’t gotten back to him for days…

        I’m trying to concentrate on just doing my own thing and not putting too much thought into what I’m doing and hoping it all works out. I’m afraid if I read the “Why men love Bitches” book and the “Marry Him” book, I will get confused!

  6. Willy said

    Mandy: “so just for those reasons I have guys pursuing me a lot.”

    Mandy, darlin, guys are pursuing you *despite* your bitchiness. They are pursuing you commensurate with the degree of your hotness. Granted other factors may eventually come into play if you want a guy to stick around, but lets not kid ourselves. The real question is will you squander your assets before they depreciate to where you find yourself single, 30+, and wondering why the good times don’t roll like they used to.

    • While I do think there are many men who would be happy to date a 30+ year old, I do have to agree with you Willy. Us aging dinosaurs still get hit on, that’s for sure, but I am learning to become a little more realistic about the kind of men I should date. I love Alphas. I really do…but Alphas don’t want 30 years olds for the most part.

      And as Rivelino once pointed out, I spend a lot of time and money on personal upkeep, hair, skin, teeth, nails, fashion, because I’m compensating for my aging – I’m trying to maintain an outwardly physical feminine vibe to combat my aging. I’m lucky, cuz I’m aging well and I take care of myself (except for the occasional cigarette).

    • Mandy! XD said

      I’m actually told by most guys that I’m nicer than the average hot bitch. Also, I don’t think it’s my attractiveness level…I don’t think I’m that attractive. Trust me. I’m not.

      It doesn’t come off as bitchy as much as mildly airheaded…ingenue-ish. If you read the female heartbreakers over at alias clio I’m possibly an ingenue/waif hybrid.

      I don’t heavily invest until he’s committed. I don’t know if this works for people older than 25 but I don’t think it’s a good idea to have sex so soon Ashlee. Get advice from older women figures and follow your guts. The best I’ve ever learned was from my parents. My mom- don’t have sex right away. My dad- be a pain in the butt. In context, “pain in the butt” does NOT mean, be a high maintenance materialistic bitch. Pain in the butt means…don’t be easy. Keep him guessing. Honestly.

  7. modernguy said

    Pretty sloppy seduction technique, but you went for it anyway. Girls are always more comfortable with sex then we think.

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