Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Just be happy.

Posted by ashleeekaren on January 17, 2011


View from my balcony - the sun is just barely coming up.

As I type this I am sitting on my enormous balcony overlooking the Sea of Cortez.  The sun is rising, and I can see the gentle splash of the water against the rocks on the beach.  Roaring softly in my ear, the sea is calming and a beautiful blue, clear and refreshing.  This is the most peaceful I have been in a long time.

I’ve been here in Cabo San Lucas for 4 days and today is my last.  It was a short vacation, but exactly what I needed to recharge.  Working as hard as I do, I’ve been lucky enough to be able to afford a luxurious ocean front room with top notch service.  Every need I’ve had has been attended to on this trip and as I sit here, taking in this beautiful view, it’s made me think.

My life is just fine.  In fact, my life is great.

Like many 31 year old women I have worried about finding someone to spend my life with, as if that will complete me.  I worry about being alone, being filled with regret, and being unhappy.  But a woman with laser like focus on finding a man, and the aforementioned worries, is anything but attractive and is everything most men run screaming from.  Just as pursuit of sex has gotten me into trouble, sparking the original, and now defunct Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010, I think the ragged pursuit of a life partner will also land me into trouble.

I’m not saying I want to stay single forever.  And I realize that many PUA’s will tell me that I’m running out of time and that my youth and beauty will fade… I know all this.  I have no illusions of trying to compete with women in their 20’s.  I know, short of plastic surgery, that my skin will sag, the wrinkles will one day set, and my lusturous mane of dark hair, will eventually turn grey.  But I’m willing to take that risk.  I would rather be old, happy, and single, than young, married and with a man who can’t make me happy.  

But if I just keep living my life, and being happy with it, then that happiness will attract the right person. Happiness is like a magnet.  Ever been at a party and hear a group of people laughing at something?  Maybe you look over and wonder what they’re laughing at, what’s so funny…?  You’re curious, you’re attracted, and you want to find out.  You want to know what’s so funny, so you can laugh too.

I think that’s my new approach – just be happy.  I am luckier than most people to have the life I live.  Some of that is a product of hard work, (this vacation wasn’t cheap), and some is the product of absolute luck.  So why focus on the things I don’t have?

Just be happy.

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11 Responses to “Just be happy.”

  1. darthgumby said

    Keep an eye open for someone with a kind heart. Find someone who is understanding of life and the people in it, and who knows how to treat a woman with respect. Find someone who hold open doors for you and will listen to you when you have something to say. We exist out there and if you keep looking you’ll find us.

    My fiancee and I have been together for three years now, I met her when she was 29. Even though we had both been living completely different lives in the past, after we met and knew each other, none of that seemed to matter. We just picked up our lives from where we were still dreaming of finding that right someone to begin with and now it feels like we’ve known each other forever.

    You’ll find that special someone. I’m sure he’s out there. But so are a lot of jerks, so make sure you know he has a kind heart.

  2. A kind heart is a must. I’m glad you and your fiancee found each other. I don’t know if I’m looking exactly… Looking implies searching… I think I prefer to say I have my eyes open, and I’m watching for the right guy, with a kind heart of course.

    Thanks for reading!

  3. “the ragged pursuit of a life partner will also land me into trouble.”
    Craving is the motivation for the ragged pursuit, and craving is the source of suffering.

    “with a man who can’t make me happy.”
    No one can make you happy.

  4. Racer X said

    Nice post! Internal peace and happiness are so important to leading and enjoying a good and productive life. And if you are happy, that will attract people to you. Enjoy what you have, don’t fret over what you don’t have.

  5. Bricona said

    I find that a lot of the time, we get lost in the future. That we worry about things becoming more and because of that we ruin where we are. It’s the same with falling in love, we constantly wonder about wedding bells, honey moons, and spending the rest of our lives together that we try to outline the details of our significant other in hopes that they’ll become the perfect future, further entailing ruining who that person is, and making him never want to marry you ever.

    Love.

    • Yes, I’ve learned that lesson already, a long time ago – accept people for who they are, and don’t try to make them into who you want them to be. It was a hard lesson to learn, and something I have to keep reaffirming to myself…

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