Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

We all just wanna be snowflakes

Posted by ashleeekaren on February 21, 2011


I have been quiet in the blogosphere for some time as there has been some things going on in my real life that have required my attention.

Leave it to my future baby daddy Solomon to snap me out of my digital silence.  While perusing his blog, I came across his latest post regarding an article from the Huffington Post written by a woman entitled, “Why You Aren’t Married”  I found the article itself to be well written, witty, and spot on in a lot of ways.  Solomon has a stimulating back and forth going on with a female commentator on his blog, mysteriously named “Author”.  Author does not like Solomon – that much is clear.  And since Author does not have a blog (that I know of) I can’t really say I know much more about her than that.

His response to one of her comments was particularly interesting and inspired me to blog about the swirl of thoughts it invoked…

You see, the *ONLY* thing that sets you apart and makes you special from a man is your ability to produce children. That’s why you’re so goddamn pissed off all the time: You can’t fulfill your biological purpose and you’re a lesser human being because of it. Though you may not know it, you can *feel* it so you try to explain your feelings away with a bunch of feminist rhetoric.

This got me thinking about another concept in the PUA blogosphere – snowflaking.  I have surmised that snowflaking is what a woman does when she wants a man to think she is different, that she is special (because apparently, no two actual snowflakes are ever alike).  Also according to PUA conceptualization, real life snowflakes DO in fact exist, but apparently do not reside in America.  I think the snowflake concept can be taken a politically correct step further to encompass the idea that human beings just want to feel special.  (Even those who DO reside in America)

And then that got me going down another path – feeling useless, feeling “un-special”,  and feeling like you have no purpose is perhaps one of the worst thing that could ever befall a person – woman or man.  Fulfilling my purpose, biologically, or otherwise, despite the fact that millions before me have done so, somehow makes me feel special.  Because I presently have no practical or desirable way to exercise that biological purpose (having children), I try to find my purpose elsewhere until, God willing, the stars align, I find a man of character that I am actually sexually attracted to, and we procreate together in a committed long term relationship.

So where all this mumbo-jumbo is going is this:  Solomon is right.  Now maybe I wouldn’t have put it exactly the way he said it, but the truth is this – if I can’t be a snowflake to man, then I want to be a snowflake somewhere else. I want to feel special because sometimes, I know I’m not.  And when I don’t feel special, when I can’t view myself as a snowflake (and not just in relation to a man) – yeah, it’s distressing.

If we were lucky as children, mommy AND daddy told us that we were special.  If we were unlucky, mommy and daddy didn’t tell us we were special at all and used some messed up reverse psychology to push us harder to succeed.  Either way, we grow up either trying to validate what our parents told us, or trying to prove to our parents (and/or ourselves) that we deserve to be told we are special.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel special. We all just wanna be snowflakes… but I think it’s probably a good idea to also live in reality and temper those feelings of snowflake fueled confidence with humility.

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36 Responses to “We all just wanna be snowflakes”

  1. “I find a man of character that I am actually sexually attracted to”

    It is as if character is unattractive to you.

  2. Lisa said

    Author does have a blog-I think it’s gooseberry something…you’d have to ask Solomon 🙂

    I’m a former bad boy lover myself-in fact, I married one. Of course, it didn’t last. My best advice: don’t do it! 🙂

  3. Solomon II said

    I think “bad boy” is just another name for “risk taker”. Often those risk takers take risks in relationships and end up cheating. Conversely, “good boys” take very few risks, and when they do, those risks are calculated. Still, they may take the calculated risk of cheating if they so desire.

    Bottom line is, both parties have to work to keep a relationship together. If you like the bad boys a.k.a risk takers, then by all means go for it. Based on what I can tell, Ashleee and Lisa would both be bored to tears by a nice guy beta boy. You two would probably mate with him then eat him.

    I mean that as a compliment. I really do.

    Side note: Any man with the screen name “Mrlovingkindness” should not be taken seriously. Ever.

  4. Lisa said

    I recently started dating a nice guy who I’m attracted to and whose company I enjoy. So there is hope for all us former bad boy lovers!

  5. Lisa said

    Not to worry Solomon. For every one of me, there are dozens of women who will never change and will continue chase and get pumped and dumped by asshole alpha men. All the while chanting “I just want a nice guy!”

  6. Rebekah said

    Either way, we grow up either trying to validate what our parents told us, or trying to prove to our parents (and/or ourselves) that we deserve to be told we are special.

    That was a gem. So very true.

    Just out of curiosity, what is the biological purpose of men (if the biological purpose of women is to have children)? Would it be the spreading of seed, etc.? I assume that it’s meant to be spread with women and not on his own. Does this make a man a lesser human being because he/many men can’t have the sex they want with women? Perhaps men *feel* lesser and this is why a lot of MRA types are so mad all the time?

    • Solomon II said

      You’re defining what we call “beta rage”.

    • A mans biological imperative is also to reproduce, but with as many women as possible, hence why they have their baby seeds available 24/7 and for much later in life than a woman. A woman has a limited amount of eggs over her lifetime. Marriage and monogamy is a social construct and not necessarily a biological one for men.

      I have a background on cultural and physical anthropology but I have a friend who has a PhD in reproductive physiology and she sometimes reads this blog. She knows more than me and may be able to call me out and tell me if I’m talking out of my ass. Maybe she’ll comment.

      • Solomon II said

        Most betas are only betas in relationships. They’re strong at work and with male friends, then they totally beta out around a woman because they’ve never been taught how to distinguish a lady (worthy of respect and commitment) from a typical femcunt slut (worthy of my meaty injection, barely).

        When they realize they’ve been duped, and that the woman they love and/or married has been passed around to a bunch of bad boy Alphas like a party favor, they get pissed. This, beta rage.

    • Lisa said

      Solomon- How do the betas find out they were duped? Most women I know that have behaved this way take their secret to the grave. Their husband thinks he married a good girl, and the girl isn’t about to have him believe any differently.

      • Solomon II said

        Most betas have an idea, but know better than to ask questions they don’t want to know the answers to – especially if they made it to the marital stage. But “adventurous” women seem to forget that during their party years (especially in college), those betas are the nice guys standing over in the corner of the bar watching Alpha jackass after Alpha jackass go home with the girl who swears she wants a nice guy. These men know the deal, and they quickly learn that the chasm between what a women says and what she actually does can be mind boggling. Perhaps 1 out of 50 of them will take active steps to Alpha up, and the rest simply simmer in beta rage. Those who simmer still desire sex, so they suppress the beta rage and take what they can get by offering marriage.

        When some asshole blogger like me publicly states “Hey betas, thanks for sponsoring my leftovers” they either wake up or get righteously pissed off. Trust me, I get scathing emails from women on a daily basis, especially from the “reformed” sluts of which you speak. But nothing matches the venom in the messages I get from men who married the party girl and is pissed that I called it to his attention.

        Hope this helps. When can I expect to see Lisa & Jack’s blog? Hop to it.

  7. Rebekah said

    ”That’s why you’re so goddamn pissed off all the time: You can’t fulfill your biological purpose and you’re a lesser human being because of it.”

    This sounds like projection.

    If a woman feels the need to have a baby and she’s healthy it’s not that difficult to do, making it relatively easy to fulfill her biological purpose. It’s much more difficult for a man who feels the need to have lots of sex, and with as many women as possible, to do so. This doesn’t make him a lesser human being. Both rely on the participation (in some form) of the opposite sex, making men and women different but equal, neither lesser.

    Marriage to a *good* mate is likely to ensure her offspring survives, and in this way facilitates the biological urge. A *good* marriage for a man is beneficial in facilitating a healthy and fulfilling sex life for him. Both benefit from the support of this social union.

    • Solomon II said

      It’s much more difficult for a man who feels the need to have lots of sex, and with as many women as possible, to do so.

      Stop and think about your statement for a moment. Do you know where babies come from?

      • Rebekah said

        I do know where babies come from. And as far as I know, it potentially only takes once to produce one. A man could have sex only once in his entire life with one woman and she would have fulfilled her biological purpose.

  8. Racer X said

    “Would’ve made for a fascinating post a la Racer X…”

    I am feeling the need to write another special post on my blog…

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