Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Archive for the ‘Rules’ Category

Apathy is the new black

Posted by ashleeekaren on May 5, 2011


…at least for me it is.

I have been silent for awhile… and no, it’s not because I have been having all sorts of amazing sex…it’s because I’ve been apathetic.

Where did this all start??

I found out Martin has a new girlfriend… stupid Facebook.  I hate Facebook…  I didn’t even go on there and my friend had to shove it in my face early one morning…  And even though I had let Martin go, couldn’t bear to keep him around as a beta orbiter for my own selfish needs, I never in a MILLION years expected to react the way I did…

Which was to start crying and then go day drinking and end up a puddled, blabbering mess by 4pm.

I think that triggered it…

And then a couple weeks later, every freaking loser I’ve dated and then subsequently ignored called me.  Monday – Loser #1, Tuesday Loser #2, Weds – ran into Loser #3.   Then on Thurs went out on a date with Old Dorky Guy #1 who, from his pics, looked about 20 years younger than he actually did in person. (eharmony date – needless to say, I cancelled my subscription shortly after).  Did I mention that Loser #1 had actually called and texted me a couple weeks before that Monday, and I ignored him then too?? OH, and did I mention that the Evil T also texted that same weekend.

All of this put me in an emotional tizzy. I’m sensitive.  TOO sensitive, and I think it was time that something…snapped.  I’m sick of allowing these men to affect me the way they do.

And as Rivelino advised me awhile back – don’t just write about dating – write about what you want.

And here’s what I want –

I don’t want to feel anything.

I am not very good at dating.  I don’t think I ever have been.  I am good at getting dates, but not actually dating. I lose my head. I fall in love, I get my feelings hurt, and my heart broken.  No more.

What have any of these relationships ever done for me?  Nothing.  NOTHING!  Well, maybe I’ve learned a lesson or two, the most important being: DON’T DATE ANYMORE!

And I’m not here to blame it on men.  Although some of them are jerks, but just as many of them are nice.  It’s really all my fault.  All of it.  All the bad decisions, the bruised pride, the shattered heart… all of it is my fault.  And I don’t seem to be changing my tune, because I still go after the bad boys and they still go after me.   Ok, ok, admittedly, the 2 nice guys I’ve gone out with in the past 3 years since I’ve been single weren’t exactly matches for me – one wore his button up shirt unbuttoned too low showing his gaudy gold chain, which only emphasized the tragedy of his pointy alligator shoes… and the other…well… the other nice guy had a small penis and talked too much.  Again, not a match.

So I’ve turned off the emotions.  Stopped responding to male attention – for example was hit on yesterday at the grocery store, guy chatted me up in the frozen section and nearly stalked me around the store until checkout.  Then told me how sexy I was in the parking lot.  He was totally my type.  He gave me his number.  I’ve already thrown it away.  Ron has been texting me a lot lately too and haven’t responded to any of his texts…

And yes, I know this means I’m wasting what little beauty my quickly waning youth has afforded me.  But this just beats the alternative – up and down, left and right, feeling happy, then sad, then stupid and resentful.  Enough already.

Posted in Hm. Inneresting..., Just. Awful., Martin, Ron, Rules, T----, WTF | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments »

Yes. I masturbate.

Posted by ashleeekaren on October 16, 2010


That’s either incredibly sad, or incredibly sexy. I’m going with sad.

But how else did you think I was going to be able to get through this celibacy project?

Hee hee

 

Rules of the Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010-11

1) Cannot have under the clothes contact with anyone.
2) Excluding myself.

Apparently there are more than few people betting against me completing this project. Haters. All of you.

BUT, as Vodkacranberry pointed out in a comment on my previous post, maybe I need to pick up a hobby. He suggested cold showers, but i do that all the time anyway. Both a marathon and horseback riding were suggested.

Although I suppose this whole project is like a marathon…

So anyway, he’s right. Hobbies.

My current hobbies:
1) Reading
2) Blogging
3) Playing the guitar
4) Writing songs and singing
5) Doing hair (yes strange I know…)

Maybe I should work out more. Maybe that will relieve stress.

And for all you doubters and nay sayers, I will have you know that Ron texted me AGAIN today and wants to hang out tonight. And by “hang out” he means have meaningless sex. I’m not even tempted! I am being egged on by all you doubters to actually do this.

I feel like Kanye right now so I will leave you with this:

Posted in Doubting, Rules, Trying to Maintain... | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 24 Comments »

 
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