Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Archive for the ‘Big Guy’ Category

I burn too…

Posted by ashleeekaren on March 24, 2011


I’ve been insanely busy lately and was going to wait to post something until work had calmed down but I’ve gotten some comments lately inquiring as to whether I’ve quit the blog.  Then I read Racer X and a recent post he made about sexual desire and it inspired me, so here I am.

Racer X talks about a woman with whom he has an intense sexual connection, yet they haven’t had sex.

There is one girl I have been enjoying an unfulfilled sexual tryst with for a few years now. For various reasons I have chosen not to pursue her beyond the merely verbal and emotional, but we are both aware of our mutual desires for each other. In such situations you can feel the tension in the room whenever we are together.

That’s exactly how I feel about Big Guy… Yes, yes…Big Guy, who I so proudly rejected just a few short weeks ago.  But I haven’ t been able to get him out of my head and that stupid post it he handed me with his phone number keeps staring at my from my desk.  I should just toss it.  And erase his number.  But I haven’t…because I don’t want to.

In FACT, I burn so much for Big Guy that I ended up consummating my bathroom relationship with Bathroom Makeout Guy, aka Ethan.  Bathroom Makeout Guy is easy, uncomplicated (or so I thought) and I know exactly what he is – just fun.  Plus he has a ridiculous body.  Unfortunately any further bathroom makeout sessions have been cancelled indefinitely since his roommate, my friend, found out and is extremely uncomfortable with it.

This is unfortunate as my plan was to preoccupy myself with Bathroom Makeout Guy to avoid any burning desire to make a dumb excuse to call Big Guy.  Luckily, work has been so crazy busy that I haven’t had too much time to let my mind wander about him.

I wonder what it will be like when we run into each other (because we will eventually due to some unavoidable obligations we both have separately).  According to a friend of mine I have no poker face when it comes to a guy I’m attracted to.  “I can see it in your eyes – you don’t hold back.”  I wonder if I could work on that…I’m afraid he will see how much I want to let him take control, tell me what to do, and have his way with me.  That was part of my attraction to him – because of his imposing size and his personality I felt completely out of control…and I liked it.  I spend so much of my time trying to be in control of situations with work and business that when I’m with a man, I don’t want to control anything. I want to trust him enough to be able to do what he wants without hurting me…not just physically/sexually, but emotionally as well…

 

 

Posted in Bathroom Makeout Guy (BMG), Big Guy, Sexytime | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 47 Comments »

 
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