Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Archive for the ‘Ron’ Category

Apathy is the new black

Posted by ashleeekaren on May 5, 2011


…at least for me it is.

I have been silent for awhile… and no, it’s not because I have been having all sorts of amazing sex…it’s because I’ve been apathetic.

Where did this all start??

I found out Martin has a new girlfriend… stupid Facebook.  I hate Facebook…  I didn’t even go on there and my friend had to shove it in my face early one morning…  And even though I had let Martin go, couldn’t bear to keep him around as a beta orbiter for my own selfish needs, I never in a MILLION years expected to react the way I did…

Which was to start crying and then go day drinking and end up a puddled, blabbering mess by 4pm.

I think that triggered it…

And then a couple weeks later, every freaking loser I’ve dated and then subsequently ignored called me.  Monday – Loser #1, Tuesday Loser #2, Weds – ran into Loser #3.   Then on Thurs went out on a date with Old Dorky Guy #1 who, from his pics, looked about 20 years younger than he actually did in person. (eharmony date – needless to say, I cancelled my subscription shortly after).  Did I mention that Loser #1 had actually called and texted me a couple weeks before that Monday, and I ignored him then too?? OH, and did I mention that the Evil T also texted that same weekend.

All of this put me in an emotional tizzy. I’m sensitive.  TOO sensitive, and I think it was time that something…snapped.  I’m sick of allowing these men to affect me the way they do.

And as Rivelino advised me awhile back – don’t just write about dating – write about what you want.

And here’s what I want –

I don’t want to feel anything.

I am not very good at dating.  I don’t think I ever have been.  I am good at getting dates, but not actually dating. I lose my head. I fall in love, I get my feelings hurt, and my heart broken.  No more.

What have any of these relationships ever done for me?  Nothing.  NOTHING!  Well, maybe I’ve learned a lesson or two, the most important being: DON’T DATE ANYMORE!

And I’m not here to blame it on men.  Although some of them are jerks, but just as many of them are nice.  It’s really all my fault.  All of it.  All the bad decisions, the bruised pride, the shattered heart… all of it is my fault.  And I don’t seem to be changing my tune, because I still go after the bad boys and they still go after me.   Ok, ok, admittedly, the 2 nice guys I’ve gone out with in the past 3 years since I’ve been single weren’t exactly matches for me – one wore his button up shirt unbuttoned too low showing his gaudy gold chain, which only emphasized the tragedy of his pointy alligator shoes… and the other…well… the other nice guy had a small penis and talked too much.  Again, not a match.

So I’ve turned off the emotions.  Stopped responding to male attention – for example was hit on yesterday at the grocery store, guy chatted me up in the frozen section and nearly stalked me around the store until checkout.  Then told me how sexy I was in the parking lot.  He was totally my type.  He gave me his number.  I’ve already thrown it away.  Ron has been texting me a lot lately too and haven’t responded to any of his texts…

And yes, I know this means I’m wasting what little beauty my quickly waning youth has afforded me.  But this just beats the alternative – up and down, left and right, feeling happy, then sad, then stupid and resentful.  Enough already.

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Posted in Hm. Inneresting..., Just. Awful., Martin, Ron, Rules, T----, WTF | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 21 Comments »

Day 41/365…Sigh…

Posted by ashleeekaren on October 7, 2010


A calendar showing the leap year day.

Image via Wikipedia

It is day 41/365 since my celibacy pledge.  I must be crazy… I am crawling out of my skin.  Yes, I realize that it has only been 2 months since I had sex (so I am 60/365 for sexytime), but I like sex.  A lot.  I read the word “sex” today and I got a little tingle… how sad is that?  Even typing the word “sex” is excruciating…

Ron called yesterday wanting to “say hi and see how you were doing.”  Translation:  the weekend is coming…are you gonna be around so we can have meaningless sex?  I was cordial but didn’t commit to anything.  I’m tempted, I ain’t gonna lie…

 

 

 

Posted in Ron, Trying to Maintain... | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments »

The Sitting on the Couch Club

Posted by ashleeekaren on August 31, 2010


In an attempt to embark successfully on this No Sex journey my friends and I have formed the “Sitting in the Couch Club”. It’s self explanatory. They don’t know about my no sex journey and if they did I would probably get a bunch of eye rolls and “Yeah rights…”. I don’t need negative energy like that while I am embarking on this difficult endeavor.

Dave has been calling quite a bit lately. He called yesterday morning and then two more times throughout the day. Even though I know nothing is gonna happen between us, I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy the attention. I do. We have a lot in common, he’s funny, and he’s got a deep sexy voice. And I’m a sucker for a deep voice. But I keep him at arms length, emotionally and physically.

Ron also texted last night. Ron, Ron, Ron… He would make excellent genetic material with which to procreate…however he’s a little messed up in the head. A little messed up like me I guess.

I met Ron about 5 years ago. I was a law clerk waiting to pass the bar and he walked into the elevator. He had just interviewed and I remember thinking, damn he’s hot. Tall, blonde, blue eyed with a nice suit on. A deadly combination for me and my weak knees. We exchanged a few pleasantries and he got off the elevator and I crossed my fingers that he would get hired.

He did. So did I and eventually we ended up with offices just down the hall from each other. I was not the only girl who had noticed Ron. And apparently he made a habit of noticing girls quite a bit. But I had started seeing T—-by that time and didn’t care as much anymore. Eventually I left that office but he and I stayed in touch. Tom and I had been off and on and in one of the off periods I eventually hooked up with Ron. When things got really bad with Tom I eventually cheated on him with Ron (as I often do when I want out of the relationship but don’t even know I do).

Since then we have developed into an interesting friendship. We chat, text and have lunch here and there and I’ve told him we can only have sex every 6 months. Otherwise I will get attached. He hates that rule. I just hooked up with Ron a month or so ago and so he’s got another 4-5 months before he gets in again. However with my new goal of no sex (for a year? Hmm..I dunno) he won’t be getting in anywhere….

Anyway he texted last night and I was tempted to invite him over. But I was having too much fun sitting on the couch with my girlfriends complaining about the last guy to annoy the shit out of one of us.

Throughout this complaining I was reminding of why I started this no sex journey. So I just ignored him and made sure I did my duties as a founding member of the Sitting on the Couch Club. And I just sat there on the couch.

Posted in Dave, In the beginning..., Ron, T----, The Men in My Life | Tagged: , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

 
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