Ashleee Karen

Made it 4 months celibate…now what??

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Ashleee has a boyfriend…?!?

Posted by ashleeekaren on September 28, 2011


I’ve got to say that I’ve missed blogging.  The last post I wrote was quite awhile ago and I admit that I haven’t had much to say until lately, mostly because I’ve been very, very happy.

I have a boyfriend.  I found him after I had given up and decided I wasn’t ever going to meet anyone and get married.   He’s not a jerk, not an alcoholic, not a game player, and not afraid of commitment.  He is open and honest about how he feels, tells me about 20 times a day that he loves me and thinks I’m beautiful.  I fall asleep every night cuddled up in my favorite place of all places: the nook, that special spot right between his shoulder and chest…  I wake up in the morning to him nuzzling my neck and wrapping his warm arms around me.  I feel like a teenager again, and I am head over heels in love with this guy.   He is thoughtful, funny, kind, affectionate, smart, handsome, sexy, and uh….ahem, well endowed…

No, I’m not making this up.  It’s true. I found a unicorn!  And the very best part of all of this is that I am not afraid to receive everything he is willing to give me.  We recognize we’ve found something very special with each other and we’re not going to let it pass us by.

Now in response to a recent comment I discovered about me on another blog, I wanted to say this:  You might have been right.  There might have been a chip missing in me.  Maybe it was because of any number of jerks I had dated.  Maybe it was because I was abused by my alcoholic ex, or abandoned by the first real love of my life, or maybe it was me.  Maybe it just isn’t easy to find someone you’re compatible with.  What the hell do I know…?

I think the chip that was missing for me was the belief that I would ever be able to actually open up to someone and let them into my life…so maybe dating these jerks was just a self-fulfilling prophecy…who knows?   I’m hoping things work out with this new guy – we find out more about each other every day and continue to fall deeper and deeper in love.  But if it doesn’t, then I least I know that after all the heartbreak I’ve suffered, that I am still capable of love.

Posted in Guys are awesome, Hm. Inneresting..., Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments »

Re-Focus

Posted by ashleeekaren on December 15, 2010


I have been too focused on GT. Time to re-focus on something more important – myself! So here is what I’ve done so far to encourage this:

1. Finally, FINALLY going on vacation! My schedule has been cleared and I am going on a tropical vacation for 6 glorious days. I’ve been working like a dog lately and haven’t gone in 2 years.

2. Been playing the guitar every night and I’m planning on doing an open mic soon. I used to do them all the time and haven’t done one in 5 years.

3. Re-organizing my garage – that thing is a mess! Still even have some of T’s old stuff in there…time to throw it out.

Focus focus focus. See? All hope for me is not lost. 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | 8 Comments »

Losing Momentum to Gain Full Entry to my Vagina

Posted by ashleeekaren on December 11, 2010


So GT had good momentum at first – after our Just the Tip Game, he called and texted and was very attentive. It felt nice that it didn’t feel like a game – he called and texted when he wanted to and I answered and texted back when he did.

So I had to be out of town this weekend and I called him to see if he wanted to get together before I left. We were both pretty busy during the week but we decided to meet halfway Weds night – I was at a party at a bar and he was going to meet me up.

He came but couldn’t stay for too long. He met some of my friends and was polite and friendly. We had a good time. We kissed for a bit and he had to go. I asked him to text me when he got home so I know he got home alright. He did.

I texted him the next day and said it was nice seeing him and thanked him for coming out.

Haven’t heard from him since.

Perhaps for some this would be considered his effort to build interest or push/pull or whatever….

But what its doing for me is making me doubtful. Although he’s already gotten the tip in, in my mind, he has not assured himself full entry into my vagina.

I started thinking about this after reading Paul the Kings recent post on momentum http://paultheking.wordpress.com/2010/12/10/the-power-of-momentum-nsfw/.

Basically, for him to keep my panties wet, he’s going to have to put more work in. He may *think* that he’s in, but now I’m having doubts about it.

I don’t like Hot and Cold. Him not responding to me does not make me want to jump his bones. Keeping in touch with me via text or phone is like foreplay – it keeps that momentum going and increases the likelihood of sex as well as decreases the amount of time I will make him wait for full access.

Whereas I was previously trying to figure out WHEN we would sleep together, now I’m trying to figure out WHETHER I will…

Thoughts??

Posted in Uncategorized | 34 Comments »

Time to re-boot

Posted by ashleeekaren on December 2, 2010


Just reading over some of my recent posts and considering all the comments that have been made and you know what?!  I need to re-boot.

I started this blog so that I could document my celibacy project, and in the past few weeks it’s turned into just another dating blog… For shame, Ashleee Karen, for SHAME.

So I’m re-booting.   Time to go back to where I started – trying not to have sex for a year and using that year to explore me and who I am.  Who is AK?  What does AK want? Where does AK see herself in the next 5 years?  And why is AK writing in the 3rd person???

Now, there’s nothing wrong with dating blogs – I read some of them quite enthusiastically…but if I lose sight of the theme of this blog, then I lose sight of this project and I don’t want to do that.  Reading the last few posts, I’m like, so annoyed with myself.  I just wanna scream SHUT THE %#$! UP ASHLEEE! I will probably talk about dudes here and there, and I will give you guys updates on GT and Martin if any become available, but only as it pertains to my project.  SO this is where I’ve decided to leave things with those guys:

GT: If it happens, it happens.  If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.  He called the other day but I didn’t even care enough to post about it.  I’m not going to get drawn into his world…not because I’m a princess or I think I’m so unique or so wonderful, but because the more I’m drawn into what he wants, thinks, needs, and does, the less time I have to concentrate on what I want, think, need, and do.

Martin: I am going to give myself 3 months and re-visit the issue then. I honestly just don’t want to deal with him right now.  I’m still upset with him and I need to figure out why, and how I can stop, before I even consider going out on a date with the guy.

See, this is what I do.  I tell myself, no I’m not gonna date, I’m going to take a break, blah blah blah blah.  And then inevitably some dude comes along and wants to take me out, or some loser ex crawls out of some godforsaken hole with all these feelings and crap, and then all of a sudden it’s like, OHHHH, what should I do? What should I do??

It’s annoying.  I annoy myself.  Who CARES about these dudes?  I need to stop using these men as a distraction from myself and just learn to BE.  Be AK, not AKwhoisdatingGT, or AKwhoMartinwantstodateagain.  Just be AK.

SO,  Ctrl, Alt and Del!

Which brings us to this:

Today is Day 97/365 of the Ashleee Karen Celibacy Project 2010-11.

Days since Actual sex? 116.

Days until my new vibrator arrives?  5-7 business days.

😉

Posted in Trying to Maintain..., Uncategorized, Why I'm doing this | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 15 Comments »

 
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