Ashleee Karen – The Devirginizer and Destroyer.

Time to introduce the boy/man who started it all – S

I first met S when I was 15 working at a local restaurant during the summer.  I was about to be a sophomore in high school and he, a freshman.  He was a surfer, lean, tan, with a boyish hair cut with long bangs that swung over his eyes.

I was not (and I’m still not), a girl you’d think a surfer would date.  I had major T and A (I had B/C cups in high school – a gift and a curse) and just in general we ran with different crowds.  I was friends with some people he knew and vice versa.

That summer we started going out.  Puppy love for sure.  Then we discovered we were insanely sexually attracted to one another.  We didn’t have sex that summer, but we tried pretty much everything else.  Alas, it really was just sumer lovin and by the time the school year started, we had broken up.  

At school, we’d pretend we didn’t know each other but we’d still hook up. He’d come over after school and we’d mess around before my parents got home from work.  We’d have such a great time hanging out, making out, but the next day at school, again, we’d pretend we didn’t know each other.

My close friends knew and apparently we’d been seen around town driving together so people started to figure things out. We’d drive up to the hills and park in a secluded spot and make out literally like teenagers….

I ended up losing my virginity to someone else (for another post) but in the end, I took his.   It didn’t seem like a big deal since we never really dated after that initial summer – I always liked him and wished for more but never thought we’d end up together.  He was in the surf crowd – I played sports and was a book nerd – our high school love just wasn’t meant to be.  For some reason I think this clandestine arrangement we had did a number on my self esteem – I figured there was something wrong with me if he didn’t want people to know we liked each other.  And since there was something wrong with me, it MUST mean that he was better than me and that I should just be lucky and grateful for any attention he paid to me at all.

And so this continued for awhile – all the way up to my sophomore year in college. I was going to drive down to his college and see him but at the last minute I flaked and didn’t bother to tell him.  I never called him after that…

Flashforward to 2007 – I saw him at a bar in our hometown.  He was still boyish looking, but not boyishly handsome…still attractive though.  We were both wasted at the bar. I sat down at his table and started talking to him.  I figured after all these years, who cares about high school bullshit and whether people knew we were friends.  He asked for my card and I pretended I didn’t have one…

Flashforward to 2008 – I facebook him to say hello. He facebooks back.  What ensues is a crazy night in a hotel room screwing like we were teenagers again.  I don’t hear from him – I’m annoyed, but ok with it.

Flashforward to last week – he facebooks me again.  Wants to hook up. Proceeds to tell me that he has been sexually obsessed with me.  I ask, since when, since the last time we hooked up?? He says no, since I was 15.

“You’re still the best sex I’ve ever had.”

WOW.  Now, when I was a teenager I had a pretty bangin body so I get that he was all into that.  But then he started to remind me of all the crazy shit we used to do.

We did it in my pool a few times.

At a party I pulled him into the bathroom and blew him.

I used to tease the hell out of him and make him beg me to finish him off.

Jesus what the hell was wrong with me?!?  What kind of crazy ass teenager is that sexually confident that she’s going around doing that shit?!

Me apparently.

I guess I forgot all about this stuff until he reminded me.  And with this whole celibacy project I have, it’s interesting to revisit.

He insists that every girlfriend he’s had since me has paled in comparison sexually.  He says he is totally into the dominance thing, with the girl being dominant. It turns him on to have to beg.  I’m the first girl he ever went down on and now that’s his favorite thing to do.  He’s been jerking off to me since we were in high school – and he hasn’t stopped since (creepy or flattering?).

How is it possible, that after nearly 16 years I am still the most amazing sex he’s ever had?!  He says he thinks he’s ruined – that his sex life has been destroyed because he’s still looking for the insane, raw, sexual chemistry we had and he’s afraid he’ll never find it…Now he wants to do every dirty thing he didn’t get to do to me before…

Maybe it’s a line.  Maybe it’s true.  Maybe that’s really sad.  I was a teenager – yes, I get that I was advanced and horny as hell and apparently not much has changed, but I didn’t even have my A game out in my teens.  When we did it back in 2007, it was good and fun, but I was nervous and held back a little (translation: didn’t get drunk enough).

So anyways he wants to hook up…I haven’t exactly said no.  Actually, I’ve kinda said yes, but I’m not 100% sure I should go through with it.  I think the sex will be amazing…just not sure if it’s worth it.  Plus I kinda like the celibacy thing… not only does it give me something to blog about, but I think it was a good idea…

Maybe I’m just denying my true nature – nymphomaniac…

Thoughts???  Any advice would be appreciated…

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